


You're a Hero

by FollowYourDreams



Series: Zine Pieces [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 07:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16488041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowYourDreams/pseuds/FollowYourDreams
Summary: Otabek wanted nothing more to bring home gold, but at the end of the day he didn't even place. The pain was too much to bear. After all, how can anyone call him a hero when he couldn't even earn a medal?





	You're a Hero

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Here is my piece for the Kings on Ice zine! It was such a fun project, and I'm so happy to finally be able to share this with you! I hope you enjoy!

You’re a Hero

  
  
  
  


Listening to the roaring crowd was something that never failed to make Otabek go momentarily numb. Right before entering the rink, after his name boomed from the loudspeakers, there was always a moment of nothingness. It was silent and dark. It was what he imagined leaving existence would feel like. Perhaps that was because, in that moment, part of him didn’t want to exist. He knew that as soon as the moment of darkness was over, there would be a war waiting for him.

As he entered the rink, he realized something was different this time. He could see again, but the sounds around were still muffled, as if he was going deaf. It was something that had never happened to him before, but he couldn’t let it stop him. This was his moment, and if he wasted it, he’d never forgive himself. 

He began to skate, and the crowd’s noise faded entirely. All he could hear was the music and the sounds of his skates tearing the ice beneath. The only two things that mattered were in complete focus. 

Carrying out the beginning of his routine, he wondered if he should attempt to change it up. He needed to score higher than ever before if he wanted even a chance at placing. His fellow competitors were ruthless, talented men that wouldn’t even blink as they kicked him down from the podium with incredible performances. He had to hold his own, or risk letting down everyone who proclaimed him as “The Hero of Kazakhstan”. Maybe he could add in another jump, or heighten the difficulty of an existing one. However, he feared only worsening his score by not sticking to the routine that he knew better than anything else. Ultimately, he ended up playing it safe, and he performed the routine as planned.

At the end of it all, Otabek ended up taking 4th place with a score of 293.41. He was roughly 8 points shy of bronze, which ached even worse. His parents had called him later that night, telling him that he did wonderfully and that taking 4th had been political. Part of him wanted to agree. Jean had messed up several jumps, whilst he had landed each of his without error. However, he wasn’t memorable like the infamous King JJ. But, political or not, he’d lost, and that was hurting him more than he wanted to admit. How could people call him a hero if he couldn’t even bring home a medal?

A wave crashed over Otabek, knocking him down, and he couldn’t find it in himself to get back up. He was so disappointed in himself for letting everyone down. He hadn’t left his hotel room for three days. It was a sudden knock at the door that stirred back to life for the first time since his loss. 

He got to his feet and opened the door, revealing a worried Yuri standing outside.

“Otabek,” said Yuri as soon as they locked eyes. “Are you okay?”

At first, Otabek said nothing. He stared back at his new friend, and it was then that he realized the true slump he’d been in.

“I’m,” he began, but his words faltered. “I’m not. I’m not okay.”

“What’s going on?” asked Yuri, his voice wavering slightly. The sheen to his eyes made Otabek feel guilty for ghosting everyone, including him, for the past few days. It wasn’t his friend’s fault that he screwed up.

“Come in,” he said. He stepped aside and let Yuri saunter past him. Closing the door, he walked beside Yuri until they reached the bed, and they sat side by side, existing in silence until he was able to find words again. “I let down everyone, Yuri, and I don’t know how to handle that.”

“Otabek,” whispered Yuri. He reached out, placing his hand on Otabek’s knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You didn’t let everyone down.”

“But I did. I’m the  _ only _ Kazakhstani skater, and I failed.” He felt his throat closing, and his hands balled into fists. “I failed my country, my parents, my baby sisters.” For a fleeting moment, he felt as if he might cry, so he shut his eyes. He didn’t want to appear any weaker than he already did. “I failed everyone.”

Otabek felt his body starting to lightly shake, and then there were arms around him. Without daring to open his eyes, he returned the gesture, pulling Yuri into a tight, needing embrace. 

It happened all at once. Otabek broke apart, piece by piece until the tears were able to seep through the cracks. He collapsed into Yuri’s arms, unable to hold up the heavy, shattered remains of himself.

Yuri was typically hot-headed and brash, but that day, he was the soft comfort that Otabek desperately needed. He cradled the other boy in his arms, soothing him until the flow of tears slowed and eventually stopped. Carefully, he maneuvered Otabek, guiding him to rest his head on Yuri’s lap. Yuri ran his fingers through Otabek’s hair as he started saying all the things that he needed to.

“Otabek, you did not fail. I know that’s how you feel, and I understand that entirely.” He sighed, letting his tense shoulders fall. “I felt the same way when Viktor chose Yuuri Katsuki over me. I didn’t even have to stick around to hear the results of our competition in order to know that Yuuri had won. It kills you to lose, but, recently I’ve learned the losing and failing are different things. Yeah, you lost because that stupid Canadian prick is popular, and that fucking sucks. But, you didn’t fail. I watched your performance. I saw you put everything you had into that skate.”

Otabek let out a faint sigh, further nestling into Yuri’s lap. Deep down, he knew that Yuri was right. He’d skated his heart out, out there. As long as he did that, he couldn’t say he’d failed, but that didn’t change the feeling of failure. Maybe eventually he could feel differently, but for now, there wasn’t much he could do.

“Thank you, Yuri,” he said. “Thank you for everything.”

“Well, duh,” said Yuri. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

Sitting up, Otabek let his eyes meet Yuri’s once more. Warmth spread to his cheeks as he smiled. “Yeah.”

 

***

 

The plane’s wheels touched the ground, and Otabek’s heart leaped into his throat. He was home, and now he had no choice but to face his family. Stepping off of the plane, he took his time getting his bags. He wanted to procrastinate as long as possible for his own sake. Truthfully, he knew his parents and siblings were proud, but that didn’t stop him from worrying that deep down they were disappointed in him.

The Uber ride home was short, too short. All too soon he was fishing his bags out of the car and pulling them behind him. He approached his front door, and as he raised his fist to knock, he stopped. His hand trembled in midair, and then it fell to his side. How was he supposed to do this?

The door flew open, and suddenly his youngest sister was in his arms, nearly knocking him backwards.

“Beka!” she cheered. She squeezed him as hard as she could, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I missed you so, so, so, so much!”

His heart melted instantly, and he hugged her back, swinging her back and forth. 

“Sofia,” he said quietly. “I missed you too. You’ve gotten so big.”

“Beka,” said another voice. Klara leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms and allowing a faint smile to appear on her face. “Welcome home.”

“Hey, Klara,” said Otabek. “Are mom and dad home?”

She shook her head. “They won’t be back until later.” She nodded her head in the direction of their living room, and she then stood up straight and turned that way. “Come on. Come get situated. I know it was a long flight.”

With that, Otabek set down Sofia and picked up his bags.

The house hadn’t changed much in the time he’d been gone. It was his sister’s that had changed. They had both grown significantly since the last time he saw them. He’d Skyped them dozens of times, but it was hard to see the differences. Now, in person, he suddenly felt as if he’s missed so much from his family, and all for what? Forth place didn’t feel worth missing his sister’s birthdays, and his parent’s 20th wedding anniversary.

“Beka, are you okay?” asked Klara. “You look really upset.”

Otabek could have sworn he was keeping his facial expression neutral, but then again, this was his family. He’d forgotten what it was like to be around people who could see past his facade.

“I’m fine,” he said. “I’m going to put my stuff upstairs.” With that, he grabbed his things and fled, not wanting to let his sister analyze him any further. 

Otabek dragged his suitcase into his room, taking a moment to look around aimlessly. His room had remained untouched for the most part. It was clear that his mother still vacuumed and dusted, but aside from that, nothing had moved. He sat down on his bed, feeling the worn springs give out underneath his weight. His bed was probably the only thing he hadn’t missed.

“Otabek!”

He heard his mother’s cry of joy all the way from downstairs. Before he could get to his feet, she came barreling into his room and threw her arms around him.

“Sweetheart! I missed you so much!” she said as tears began to well in her eyes. She pulled away from the embrace to look at him, gently cupping his face and stroking his cheek. “I’m so happy you’re home. You’ve been gone far too long.”

Otabek nodded his head slowly, feeling his face and body begin to match the overwhelming emotions that were stirring.

“I know I have been,” he said. “And,” he paused, “I, I.” His words broke apart, and then he realized that his cheeks were wet. “I’m sorry I was gone for so long. And I’m sorry it was all for nothing.”

“For nothing?” she asked. “Baby, what are you talking about?”

Otabek opened his mouth to reply, but then his father walked into the room, already looking concerned.

“Otabek,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

Words were lost on Otabek. He felt so ashamed.

His sisters walked into the room next, both of them clearly worried sick. It was too overwhelming. Having his entire family look at him that way was killing him and making his guilt grow.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked out. “I’m sorry I couldn’t bring home a medal. I let you all down. I should have trained harder, or changed my routine when I realized who I was up against, or--”

“Otabek,” said his father. “Stop. Son, none of us see this as you letting us down. What you did wasn’t failure, in any way.”

“Yeah, I mean, you took fourth place at  _ Worlds _ ,” said Klara. “That’s a  _ huge _ accomplishment.”

“You’re the first Kazakhstani skater to do that, aren’t you?” asked Sofia.

Otabek nodded in response.

“Then that’s amazing!” she said.

“What makes you think fourth wasn’t good enough, sweetie?” asked his mother.

“I feel like I didn’t live up to people’s expectations. ‘The Hero of Kazakhstan’ is who I’m supposed to be, and I didn’t live up to it. I didn’t do my country proud.”

His father got to his knees beside his wife, placing his hand on Otabek’s knee. “Otabek, even if there are people from this country that feel that way, that’s their own problem. What’s most important is your family, and we’re all  _ so _ proud of you.”

“Medal or no medal, my  _ son _ went to Worlds,” said his mother. “And even more, he skated with everything he had.” She reached up, wiping away a stray tear. “You’re a hero to us.”

Otabek felt the weight of the world slowly lift from his shoulders. He looked over each of his family members one by one, taking in their smiling faces. They were all beaming with pride, and it began to radiate out, making him start to feel the same way. He had gone to Worlds.  _ He _ had completed that accomplishment. A small smile played on his lips, and for the first time, he felt truly proud of what he’d done.

“Thank you…”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that short story! If you did be sure to leave a comment! I love hearing what you guys thought <3 As always my media links will be below and along with it there will be a link to the blog so you can check out everyone else's work! Thanks again, guys! Bye!~
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